National Rifle Association
National Rifle Association, the awesmomest, most patriotic organization ever. Liberals want to take away our right to have guns... and the NRA wants to shoot them and burn their bodies. The NRA realizes that the average citizen will need to be prepared for the Bear uprising of 2012, and will need personal arsenals to turn back the bear menace. The NRA is led by That guy from the original Planet of the Apes, Ted Nugent and Magnum PI. The N.R.A. is the original protector of the Second Amendment and is at all times on the level. , guns, America and The Holy Ghost ... nothing finer.]] Role of the NRA The National Rifle Association travels around in a bus called "The Mystery Machine" and with their large Great Dane, they hunt malicious "ghosts". (Usually, the "ghosts" turn out to be cans. Afri-cans, Mexi-cans, Puerto Ri-cans. Either that or Old Man Smithers) NRA Tour After the successful 1999 convention in Littleton, Colorado, NRA officials announced they will be taking their tour around the country to promote their new slogan, "We're everywhere you are!" "We'll be like a traveling revival of Constitutional rights: part God, part gun, no gays!" an unnamed spokesman announced during a December, 2007 press conference, "We have Real American Celebrities like Tom Selleck, Kurt Russell and Ricky Schroeder who will be speaking to in communities like Colorado Springs, Colorado, Arvado, Colorado, Omaha, Nebraska, Salt Lake City, Utah and Kansas City, Missouri. The very places, where red-blooded Americans live and work and shop and worship Our Lord and Savior in the safety that only guns can provide." "Our aim is to hit every American town, no matter how small," the spokesman promised. 2008 Tour More Cities have been added to the 2008 tour: * Tinley Park, Illinois * Kirkwood, Missouri * Baton Rouge, Louisiana * DeKalb, Illinois * West Palm Beach, Florida * Memphis, Tennessee * Henderson, Kentucky * Knoxville, Tennessee #1 * Little Rock, Arkansas * Knoxville, Tennessee #2 * Live Oak, Texas * Santa Clara, California 2009 Tour * Portland, Oregon * Geneva County, Alabama * Oakland, California * Carthage, North Carolina * Binghamton, New York * Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania * Priceville, Alabama * Temecula, California * Casselberry, Florida * Dearborn, Michigan * Long Beach, California * Middletown, Maryland * Athens, Georgia * Okaloosa County, Florida * Lakeland, Florida * Middletown, Connecticut * Baghdad, Iraq * Mesa, Arizona * Arivaca, Arizona * Wichita, Kansas * Little Rock, Arkansas * Washington, D.C. * Albuquerque, New Mexico * Parkersburg, Iowa * Simi Valley, California * Pensacola, Florida * Baytown, Texas * Capitol Hill, Washington D.C. * Fayetteville, Tennessee and Huntsville, Alabama * Houston, Texas * Baltimore, Maryland * East Point, Georgia * Bridgeville, Pennsylvania NRA's 2009 Special Tour: Anti-Socialized Medicine Town Halls *Arizona Town Hall *Portsmouth, New Hampshire Town Hall *Portsmouth High School *Veterans of Foreign Wars convention in Arizona NRA's 2009 Special Special Tour: Anti-communist Event *Capitol Hill History In 1545, Jesus and Ted Nugent decided that the only way to protect Real Americans was to give them guns—lots of them. Since then, it has been been constantly assailed by the forces of darkness, most notably Michael Moore, Al Franken, and all feminazis. Notable Members *Jesus *Moses *St. Francis of Assisi *George W. Bush *Stephen Colbert *Ted Nugent *Chuck Norris *Dick Cheney *Walker Texas Ranger *Jack Bauer *Gerald Ford *Mel Gibson *Danny Glover *Punisher *Mitt Romney * Michael Moore *Millionaire Patriot *That Dude from the Town Hall ''Note: All members are guaranteed entry into Heaven and an honorary seat at Jesus's right hand. Voters Assistance Every election, the NRA supplies their members with information in the form of sponsored debates handy wallet cards listing talking points detailed explanations for only those initiatives pertinent to the group that are on the upcoming ballot. For the 2008 United States Presidential election, the NRA supplied all their members (and subscribers to "The American Rifleman" magazine) with a well-thought-out informational packet that contained the following reminders: # Obama wants to take your guns and give them to Al Qaeda # liberals want to criminalize all gun use except for when they perform abortions NRA Endorsements: * NRA Endorses local shop. Their prices are so crazy, they are to kill for!! External Tubes * NRA Store! * NRA protects terrorists American right's to bear arms * The NRA will send medical supplies guns to Iran to protect their democratic freedoms! * NRA supports terrorism America! * Special Offer!! Buy a truck, get an AK-47 for free!!! *Ultra Rich man uses his millions to Arm all Americans! *Obama to take away our guns!! SEE! SEE! WE TOLD YOU SO!!! *Real American arrested for attempting self-defense!